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FUNNY STUFF - Pictures & Jokes on Soccer! See below for a really funny pic...
With the television soccer season about to start, its probably the right time to remind all our readers of commentator speak or what the television commentators really mean.
A solid player~ a very slow defender
Lightning fast player~ has absolutely no ability to control the ball
A vital cog in the team~ is going out with the coaches daughter
Tackles hard~ goes around kicking people
Experienced~ knows how to kick people but hide it from the ref
Promising~ will never make it as a player
Very promising~ as above, plus his father is a director
Good in the air~ cant control the ball on the ground usually very tall so he doesnt have to jump to head the ball.
Works hard off the ball~ runs around like a headless chook, but totally unable to do anything with the ball if he receives it.
A coaches player~ no one knows how he gets in the team
A players player~ he buys the drinks for the team after the game
Brilliant~ an average player
Superstar~ an average player paid too much money
Plays like Maradona~ Can score goals with his hands
Utility player~ not good enough to get a game in any position
Loyal Clubman~ no other club would dream of paying money for him
Top Coach~ hes about to be sacked
Fearless Keeper~ Often saves the ball with his head, because its harder than other peoples boots.
A safe pair of hands~ Catches the ball at least once every three goes, when not being challenged
Reliable~ Needs to be led around the field but will stay in the one spot if you put him there.
Has a lethal shot~ Dont stand to the side of the goals, you are guaranteed of being hit.
Has played top class soccer overseas~ Came on as a substitute once for a pub team in Lower Plymouth
Comes to Australia highly recommended~ His European club has been trying to get rid of him for years.
Thanks!
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Aston Villa
Rumour has it that Villa have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period
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Wolverhampton
A burglary was recently committed at the Wolverhampton ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
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Manchester United
A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"£25 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.
"Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
"Screw the story - do you have a brass man utd fan?"
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